We all understand the need to save for retirement, come up with a plan to pay for college or save for a house. Planning for the future is easy to understand. But when it comes to senior care planning for an aging loved one or planning for ourselves as we age, most of us don’t have a plan until we fall into crisis.
Lack of planning is in no way an indication of a lack of commitment. On the contrary, it’s just an indication that we’ve avoided the discussion because we don’t want to think about things changing so drastically in ourselves or in the people we love the most.
Buying a life insurance policy, writing a will, pre-planning your burial, and contemplating all the “what if’s, “particularly a serious illness or a diagnosis of dementia, can be well-depressing.
WHY YOU NEED TO CARE PLAN NOW AND NOT WAIT FOR “ANOTHER DAY”
Failing to plan for the future can make a situation worse. You or the loved one you tried to protect by failing to have the “uncomfortable” conversation will suffer the most.
Putting together a care plan for yourself or a loved one will help to eliminate problems like last-minute scrambling and increased tensions that commonly arise when a once independent person now needs more care. Taking the time to plan now will also help alleviate the financial strain that typically occurs due to the unanticipated consequences of caregiving.
Without a plan, the family member who is most affected by the crisis ends up with the least say in how they live. It’s a sad consequence of what happens when families don’t ask the important questions beforehand. The result is the care recipient having little to no control over their future.
THINK A CAREGIVING CRISIS WON’T HAPPEN TO YOUR FAMILY?
Right now, 30 million households are providing care for an adult over the age of 50 – and that number is expected to double in the next 25 years. For most of us, life at 40, 50, or even 60 years old will include caring for an aging parent or relative.
If you haven’t begun discussing a caregiving plan with loved ones and other family members, now is the time. It doesn’t matter who initiates the conversation. What does matter is that everyone has the opportunity to create a plan based on the needs and wishes of the care recipient.
THE FIVE STEPS TO DEVELOPING A CARE PLAN
- PREPARE
This type of conversation is never easy. It’s not easy for the adult child who is now facing care for their aging parent, and it’s not easy for the parent who can see that they are no longer the fiercely independent person who now needs help.
So before jumping into creating a plan think about the following questions:
• Who is the best person to start the conversation with your loved one(s)?
• What are your biggest concerns and priorities as you help create a caregiver plan for someone else?
• What is the best outcome that could happen due to this conversation?
• What is the most difficult thing for you about having this conversation with a person you care about?
• What are you afraid might happen as a result of this conversation?
• How do you think your loved one and other family members might react?
• How does your family usually respond when uncomfortable subjects are discussed?
• How can you explain to your loved one and other family members why it is important to have this conversation?
FOUR STEPS TO HANDLING A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION
Some conversations are just plain difficult—even with the people to whom you feel the closest. When preparing to discuss a difficult topic, it helps to follow the ground rules below to ensure that everyone’s feelings are respected and viewpoints are heard.
Most of the work in any difficult conversation is your work on yourself. No matter how well the conversation begins, you must stay in charge of yourself, your purpose, and your emotional energy. It takes work. Just keep centered and commit that when you become off-center, you’ll choose to return to centeredness. This is where your power lies: by being able to choose a calm centered state. This will help the people you are talking with be more centered too.
STEP #1 DISCOVERY
When you go into a difficult conversation, start by discovering everything you can about others and their point of view. Pretend you don’t know anything about them or how they feel. Truth be told, you really don’t. Time and time again, we make assumptions about what a person’s actions or words mean without ever asking them for clarification. Let them talk freely until they are finished. Don’t interrupt, and whatever you hear, don’t take it personally. Just learn as much as you can during this phase of the conversation. Remember you’ll get your turn, so don’t rush the process.
STEP #2 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
When you acknowledge another person, you show them they have been heard and understood. At this stage you want to demonstrate to the other person, you can make their argument for them and then do it. Explain back to them what they just said and honor their position. Acknowledge whatever you can, including your own defensiveness if it comes up. For example, in an argument with a friend, I said: “I notice I’m becoming defensive, and I think it’s because your voice just got louder and sounded angry. I just want to talk about this topic. I’m not trying to persuade you in either direction.” The acknowledgment helped him (and me) to recenter.
Acknowledgment can be difficult if we associate it with an agreement. Keep them separate. My saying, “This sounds important to you,” doesn’t mean I will agree with your decision.
STEP #3 ADVOCATE
It’s your turn when you sense that they’ve expressed themselves fully on the topic. What can you see from your perspective that they’ve missed? Help clarify your position without minimizing theirs. For example: “From what you’ve told me, I can see how you concluded that I don’t want you to live at home. But that’s not the case. I’m just being thoughtful and carefully thinking about all the possible scenarios and whether or not you would be safe here at the house.”
STEP #4 PROBLEM SOLVING
Now you’re ready to begin building solutions. Brainstorm solutions and continue asking questions to clarify positions. Ask others what they think would work. Whatever they say, find something that you like and build on it. If the conversation becomes adversarial, go back to discovery. Asking for the other’s point of view usually creates safety, and they’ll be more willing to engage. If you’ve been successful in centering yourself and adjusting your attitude and discovering what others think, finding sustainable solutions to the problems will be easy.
2. ASSEMBLE YOUR TEAM
Creating an effective plan means ensuring you gather input and support from your loved ones and other family members who may be impacted by the process. You probably already have a good idea of who you want to include in the conversation, but it helps to list out who should and might want to be included. This includes those “difficult” or argumentative family members. Initially, it might feel easier to exclude them, but eventually, they need to be included in the action plan. So, include everyone who wants or needs to participate in the plan.
Most importantly, the person on the receiving end of care should be included in the discussion. They play the most significant role in the discussion, barring mental incapacity or extraordinary circumstances. Their wishes are the cornerstone of the caregiving plan.
3. ASSESS THE NEEDS
If you’re or your loved one is not currently in crisis, figuring out what their needs may be down the road is akin to looking into a crystal ball. But, your desires and wishes for what you want life to look like if and when the time comes you require care it is probably something you have given a lot of thought. Figuring out what you or your loved one’s priorities are, where you want to live, and the nature of the care involved will help you determine what kind of information you need the most and which resources will be most helpful down the road.
- Gathering The Information
Before you can develop a family caregiving plan that works for everyone, you will need to gather three types of information. First, gather together all your personal information like wills, trusts, POA’s Health Care Proxy, insurance policies, and long-term care policies. Next, gather all files that include what needs to be paid monthly so caregivers can ensure nothing falls into arrears.
Finally, you’ll want to get information on public benefit programs that might help assist you and your family in the caregiving process. The below articles may help you as you start thinking about the planning process.
- UNDERSTANDING FLORIDA MEDICAID
- UNDERSTANDING VIATICAL AND LIFE SETTLEMENTS
- VETERAN ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS
Additionally, we have developed our Senior Emergency Kit. Sign up below to have your free kit emailed directly to you.
4. MAKE A PLAN
You can never plan for every eventuality in life, but starting with the basics creates a solid foundation to build upon. So grab your team and information and start planning.
If you feel like this whole planning process is overwhelming, Your Key To Senior Living Options can help. We are experts at helping families sift through the information and navigate this very complicated process. Whether you or your loved one wants to remain in your home or move to a senior living community, we have the knowledge and expertise to guide you in understanding the resources and options available to you and your family.
There’s no one-size-fits-all plan. We take into consideration the medical, financial, legal, social, and emotional needs of you or your loved one and help you craft a plan that ensures you not only live but thrive. Don’t wait for a crisis to occur, call us at 352-766-5274 and we can schedule a time to start crafting your caregiving plan for the future. Learn more about our planning services.
5. TAKE ACTION
We understand how hard it is to put together a plan for you or a loved one hoping you never have to use it. But when the unexpected happens, it is so important to have the tools and resources in place to deal with the unexpected. The success of any caregiving plan is in the implementation. While this is obvious, the best plans are sometimes difficult to implement, or they have been forgotten altogether. When a crisis happens, we often forget the plan we carefully crafted. That’s why it’s important to review the plan from time to time to make sure things are updated as needed and that it is still in alignment with your wishes and expectations.
Most importantly, you should remember that no matter how organized and committed you are to the plan, it will have to change as you go along and move through your journey. And that’s okay. What’s important is that you’ve had the conversations and can continue to ensure a caring future for you and your loved ones.
And just like you, I’ve been a caregiver.
I share my knowledge and tips to help seniors and families as they navigate the complicated process of senior living options.
- NAVIGATING MEDICARE CHANGES IN 2025:A GUIDE FOR SENIORS AND FAMILIES - November 26, 2024
- A CAREGIVER’S GUIDE TO HURRICANE PREPAREDNESS - August 6, 2024
- THE HEALTH AND SOCIAL BENEFITS OF SENIOR LIVING - July 23, 2024
